Once more unto the Breach

2007-05-11T16:14:00.000-07:00

hey hey hey
baby mellow my mind
I bought my favourite album in a record store brand new for 10 bucks good deal.

I've been back at work for greenpeace and doing poorly. The road trip ended but my mental state just kept going on down the road.

I have to say three weeks of travel with a guy like mr rhodes where everything that could go wrong went right is certainly a fine way to pass time.

i will soon be back, if someone wants to pisck me up at the airport i would greatly appreciate it.

love love love

2007-04-03T17:14:00.000-07:00

hey hey hey,
on the road this time sans work.
bought a board, it was looking like pretty slim pickings but in the quiet of the New Brighton evening (a beach ghetto of Christchurch) at the last surf shop open bought a dream board of hte german dude working there including fins, leash and board bag, exactly the size I wanted. So spent the next three days surfing the way to dunedin, got here and the surf was rather large so limited the stay to business and preperation for the trip to milford sound. That takes place tonight. 6 hours on some windy roads.

dont got long so I'll keep it short.
hope everyone is doing well and I hear the leafs are out of the playoffs, am I sad? a little, watching them bow out every year became kind of a tonic.

take it easy

2007-03-23T22:07:00.000-07:00

Hey hey hey, I'm not actually in this picture, but chris emailed it to me and it is a fuck lot easier to upload picture from a a website than from a hardrive, so enjoy some kiwi man-candy. thats ryan adams (#3) and luke in front and rhodes in back.

Sorry bout that lapse in postings, but I've been on the road and only checking my emails sporadically and checking up on the breach not at all.
Well I am still on the road, in New Plymouth, right near Mt Teranaki, which stood in for mt Fuji in the Last Samurai. So in honour of Tom Cruise I am going to hike to the top tomorrow. Should be good times.

I have to say I can understand how being on the road takes it out of rock stars, I live the most unhealthy lifestyle, couple that with the free drugs that rockstars get shiit, I mean the cost of drugs and alcohol is the only thing that is keeping me in line.

I'm only on the road for another week or so then hitting up another road trip this time sans work, with rhodes. then shit home. fuck time flies.

Also my bro apperently has a wicked apt lined in mtl so if anyone wants to move out with me we should do it.

Can anyone explain to me what the fuck dpenns is up too? i get the wierdest emails from him, with like a million people in the address box two lines of texts and links to youtubes videos of him in like ecuador. anyone else slightly freaked out? just me?
anyway him, liz anton, andrew duncan, and julian rosenburg are leading the most succesful person I know horse race. Luckily i've exempted myself from the competition so I don't have to feel bad about how low i am.

Dept of Birthdays

"24 and there's so much more
doesn't mean that much to me
to mean that much to you"

only part of that is true, i look forward to all the gifts your all sending.

2007-03-05T20:45:00.000-08:00

dig it

2007-02-26T22:04:00.000-08:00

Dept of Boastfulness

No, not for me.

The Liberal Party of Canada, the Federal version, offered my mother a front bench Cabinet position if she would run in Vancouver Quadra, our riding (assuming the Liberals were to to win the next election).

Maybe this should be in the Dept of Pride, I don't know. Anyway, she turned them down for a number of reasons.

Me? I got offered a gig driving for a Greenpeace fundraising team.

Update:

Alright, my mum says they didn't 'offer' a cabinet position but dangled one saying it was a possibility. I was stretching.

Not a stretch: I did an on the street audition for a reality TV show and I got a callback and I'm meeting the producer on Monday. Ju Rosenburg, lets hug it out bitch.

2007-02-22T21:23:00.000-08:00

Duncan Penn is rarely funny, this is an exception:

News:
I might be moving onto a travelling team, so GP is gonna shuffle me around New Zealand going town to town signing people up, so I'm pretty stoked. Sweet. It pissed rain all day, shitty.

Its so easy to embed youtube videos (easy once jonnie penn told me how) but posting photos is obscenely slow and fucks up all the time. meh, I'll try more photos later.

2007-02-21T19:54:00.000-08:00

Here I am working for Greenpeace in wee New Zealand, and lo and behold the environment is slowly becoming the most important issue in my country. I am stoked, really am. But I have issues: I always have issues. The amount of people who come up to me on the street and tel me they think that Greenpeace are terrorist, too extreme or whatever other bullshit they've come up with is pretty frightening.
I was talking to another Canadian Greenpeace fundraiser here who has just arrived from Toronto, and she says it is worse there. The way fundraising works is you have a target you need to reach per pay period, for NZ is works out to about $45/day of monthly donations. In Toronto it's $16!!!! What a bunch of fucking cheapskates. Why? because everyone thinks Greenpeace is some militant extreme group. Meanwhile everyone thinks it's great Gordon Campbell or Stephen Harper is 'realizing' that climate change needs to be addressed. These fucking dudes have had their heads in the sands types for years. Don't get me wrong, I don't think environmental issues are partisan one way or the other: my parents are some of the most ecologically friendly people I know and they are fairly solid right of center. But these fucking morons pretend like the climate change issue was invented last year and now are gonna do something about. Well good, but I will go there: WE FUCKING TOLD YOU SO. Don't give me this 'Greenpeace is too extreme' nonsense. Fuck you listen to us more, then maybe instead of confronting problems, we can avoid them.
And Toronto, buck the fuck up, $16 a day is retarded.

and.....exhale. There, off my chest.
Go buy local.

Also:

What is it with nurses? Why are they so sexy? not the ugly old ones in the hospital, but the nursing students. They are so soft and nice and give amazing blowjobs. I met another one, well signed her up for greenpeace. She very hot, 18 and Irish (odd I know; her and BK make two in the world). And, though I don't know yet, I'd be willing to find out if my other suspicions are confirmed.

2007-02-20T21:55:00.000-08:00

Any of you ever woken up at 6 in the morning to watch Meet the Press? An interview show featuring the cream of the crop from Capitol Hill, anyone stoked yet?
Well this is two great worlds colliding, and making one bigger better world:

2007-02-05T15:33:00.000-08:00

Due to the dearth of Posts in mid-late January, I feel I am owing somewhat...
As per responses to the previous posts, I got a number of 'fuck you whiny bastard' and an equal number of 'pull up your socks old boy, you'll get 'em next time'. Either way no one seemed particularly concerned with Castro or Sharon.... insensitive friends I guess.
so to fill you all in:
-My job is going well, when it's good it's a cakewalk job, but when it's tough it sucks. Same as ever I guess.
-I am trying to sell a van, but doing a horrible job at it.
-I generally dislike poor people.
-Tea is delicious, but always better out of a teapot.
-Money is the key to happiness.
-I met an Israeli dude and his incredibly hot German girlfriend on the street, take that Hitler!
-I never ever think of the girl I have a crush on when I jerk off.
-I just realized the other day that 'wanker' as in 'wanker ben' means someone who wanks it, same thing with 'jerk'.
-There are waaay more Jehovah's Witnesses in NZ than I ever thought possible.
-Chris Rhodes is a bad individual to be on the bad side off.
-I hate 'volunteering' when it is really an end to a means.
-People who don't care about the environment and are adults who shop at footlocker should be sterilized.
-Buying organic is overrated, buy local.
-Michael Moore, my current bathroom reading, is truly dumb.
-Stupid dykes from Calgary who only want to talk about themselves, should realize God made them stupid dykes specifically because they are boring and shouldn't talk to me.
-The national park system in NZ is first-rate, but the telecommunications industry seems to be operated out of a single Zach Morris telephone and everyone has to take turns using it.
-As long as NGO's don't take into account how businesses are run and will be run, and fail to understand that capitalism isn't an ethos but a description, they will be forever hamstrung.
-I have seen waaay to many 15 going on 25 year old girls to think that all those hormones in beef and milk don't do anything.
-Bill Simmons talked me out of betting on the Colts, but I forgive him.

take it easy, I got a sunburn yesterday.

2007-01-29T23:49:00.000-08:00

Dept of Mea Culpa

I know, I know I've let thousands, dozens, singular individuals down.
I haven't written a worthy update on my travels in some weeks, for shame. I have reasons:

-For about two weeks while I was living in Christchurch I was running on fumes, zero dollars, zero place to live. I didn't shower for a solid two weeks, surprisingly I didn't smell that terrible (I don't think), and it was the tshirts not the underwear that went first. Now I am living in a dope apartment downtown, in this really funky urban alley full of old brick buildings refurbished for the gentrification set, complete with backalley cafes, russian vodka bars and postmodern metal sculptures. Also the best shower pressure since my grandparents place in Nanaimo.

-Some of you on the world leader deathwatch maillist, mighta come accross the little gem that's been on page 15 of every newspaper in the world, that in addition to superbowl festivities the city of miami is preparing for a celebration at the football stadium (the name escapes me) for the imminent death of Castro. HAHAHAHAHAHA, a death celebration ha. But as you know I am backing sharon in this toss up and andrew duncan has the aforementioned cuban. so despite the hilarity of this I still crave the hizbollah chants that will rock through the arab world when, right under castro's nose, those israelis pull the plug. but it looks like I may lose.

-thirdly and this one really bummed me out to the tune of cheap champagne, beer other bad things I won't list because I've heard my mother occasionally peaks in on things here. I got rejected from that bastion of scholarship U of T, fuckers, they obviously don't know who I am. Anyway, I had sorta talked myself up into thinking I might get in, and this kinda blasted the ego, deflated more likely, similar to a used/unused condom if you catch my drift. So now I have a whole year of not doing what I want to be doing and that is a jarring mindfuck in the midst of our collective quarterlife crisis. I am so bummed, I might click a wee button that dr duncan filled me in on and take a minor in finance over the summer in montreal, see how bank of oli feels about that one, not great I imagine.

Anyway, I've been reading "the innocents abroad" on the advice of my uncle, and some really hilarious shit about travellors keeping journals and other stuff, really worth a read, laugh out loud funny, (Its by Mark Twain check it out) but in my downtrodden mindset I really wasnt feeling up to writing down everything that came into my head, some truly misanthropic venting and self loathing (ie hating the world) coupled with despair and the feeling of treading water in a swimming race really didn't need to be recorded in a place that is supposed to be filling in friends on the (mis)adventures in enzed.

Am I over it all? fuck no.
Sidenote: my sister sent me some cheering up emails. They worked then I had a David Cross moment, where I was like 'wait a minute, thats bullshit to make me feel better, it's not true. then I felt bummed again'

but enough: the weather's fine and the beer, tho watery, is cheap.

2007-01-06T15:41:00.000-08:00

Dept of Long Windedness or Brevity is the Soul of Wit or Robert's Brain Clearing Some Sewage or How I Learnt to Stop Worrying and Start....

I have been developing a theory for some time, in part it has grown out of my genuine fascination with social encounters, conflicts or activities. These occurences take my notice mostly because they remind me of another. It can cut both ways: often a minute accidental snub at a dinner party and subsequent reaction recall to me the reaction of some world leader who decided to make war. Or, conversely the behavior of some important person reminds of the look I get when I change the music in the car.

Malcolm Gladwell occupies a strange place in my world, he is simultaneously the favourite writer of my mother and Bill Simmons (my favourite sports writer). That could be chaulked up to any number of explanations; but what makes it particularly interesting to me is that if Bill Simmons and my mother were in the same room as each other, they would find one another exceedingly dull. That makes Malcolm Galdwell truly transcendental.

For those of you who aren't familliar with Malcolm Gladwell he has written a couple books (The Tipping Point and Blink) and writes a regular feature in The New Yorker. (side story: I forged a New Yorker press pass at a Liberal leadership debate and impressed some uppity, though attractive, female Ignatieff staffers. I have now concluded that if his staff couldn't tell that New Yorker writers don't wear snowboard jackets, old jeans and carry mec backpacks; it is no wonder he lost).

Digressions aside, Gladwell has a knack for brilliant analogies. Bill Simmons also has the knack though, as Dr Duncan can attest, his usually fall in the vein of the sports equivelant of the K-fed, and Britney marriage (for my money it's T-O and the Eagles). [blah blah blah, the point Robert, the point]

Well I think that this type of analogy or even metaphor entirely is possible, is understood and flourishes because we as humans have a limited pool of emotions and reactions from which to choose from.

Biologists, especially the Jane Goodall types (ie not my favourite cross section of people because I both agree with them and dislike them at the same time) are always describing some animals existence and how closely it mirrors our own in terms of societal interaction. We have all heard it ascribed to dolphins, whales, baboons, blahs, blahs and blahs. This comparison is often to elevate animal X into our realm so we will not crush its habitat, a worthy goal usually. But I have come to believe that it is us that is in their collective territory.

While our scientific, language and problem solving capacities have evolved and soared into really unbelievable levels, our ability for social interaction (of any kind: large, small or medium) is firmly primordial and limited.

I am sure you have all heard of the Swamp City Daggers. It's a gang formed by some of my flatmates, whose only entrance requirement is to shotgun three (or more) 440ml cans of Tasman Bitter beer. Well it started with the four founding fathers, and really took off, there are now a lot of people sporting denim vests and patches around. Well the founding fathers enjoyed this esteem, but with the introduction of so many new members they felt they were losing control. So, a meeting was called and the founding fathers attempted using all kinds of very diplomatic and populist language to reassert their authority.

I personally, though a member of the gang, found it all a bit much. I had just spent a couple hours pleasantly alone at the beach with my thoughts and the warm water, and had returned home to have a few more beers. I wasn't too into some friends bickering about shit, and I thought it was weird. Then the Gladwell in my head kicked in. Holy shit I thought, this reminds me of the founder of a company selling off shares and enjoying the money. Then realizing at the AGM that he, she or they no longer have full control; and, in an effort to reassert lost control use all sorts of diplomatic and populist language to cajole shareholders into following them.

Personalities are a dime a dozen and the interaction is so recognizable, the reactions, the emotions, it's all the same all over the world as far as I'm concerned. We are primitive social beings and it is really fascinating watching people employ these same lower-order devices for both the most insignificant argument and the most sophisticated.

Full disclosure: Though I rarely partake, I was high when the Dagger AGM was going on, but I am not now.

Personal Update: I got the job with Greenpeace in Christchurch and I am moving down there tomorrow. New town, new adventures. Yesterday was the most beautiful day since I have been here. Chris and Luke had the day off and we went via free watertaxi to Adele Island in Abel Tasman National park. I wore two pieces of clothing, shorts and shoes, oh and sunnies. We climbed some mountains and enjoyed the near endless view on the cloudless day. We swam on some beaches in the warm tropical green water and bushwhacked our way through cutty grass (as bad as it sounds) to make our water taxi pickup on time. One of those fantastic days were the weather makes anything fun. We also had some wicked nachos for dinner.

2007-01-04T15:06:00.000-08:00

It is retarded how slow it was to upload this image. But oh well.
This was taken on a solo hike I did in the Kahurangi National Park, west of where I am living now in Kaiteri. The hike I did was kind of a figure eight, spending two nights in the same place in the middle of the eight. For those of you with the proper mental image it doesn't make sense; but, I had a late start on the first day and only hiked half of the bottom loop of the eight. The next day I did the whole top loop, called the Tablelands circuit, it was magnificent, it was walking ridgelines above the tree line with unlimited views of the surrounding mountain ranges, lakes and rivers. The third day I hiked out, but the route took me up Gordons Pyramid (the photo to the left), through crazy terrain up and down smaller mountains and eventually, through a small detour, up Mt Arthur (roughly 5500 ft) and finally out the carpark. I wrote a treatise about solo wandering, perhaps unique to us cats who don't mind kicking it alone in the woods/city/beach/anywhere for a few hours/days/weeks, but then again maybe not. I am sure you would all love to read it, but it's too long to write out here.

2007-01-02T00:32:00.000-08:00

From the archives:

"Still broke; no hope in sight"
-Dec 23rd

"As a last gasp measure, the white light of the day has split up and thrown herself, red, pink, orange, and blue, in one final offensive all over the sky as if to reclaim it. Rage, Rage against the dying of the light. Fuck I love this time of day."
-Dec 28th (at dusk)

"The ballad of Ian Roger. Two first names: born to lose. He used to bore holes in his tramping mug to lighten it (it's a wonder he didn't bore holes in his head haha). He's dead now. He was getting on. Well he was only... seventy-four?.. well, early to mid seventies anyway. But he had prostate cancer and heart trouble (won't we all). He's been buried three times, a piece in Scotland, a piece here with us, and there is some somewhere else too. Ashes you see."
-Dec 29th

Overheard on the way to Motueka:

Luke - I'm gonna buy a Bob Marley DVD.
Chris - Huh...Well I'm gonna buy a meat pie.
Luke (and Jim) - SICK.

Dept of Careful I Got A Beverage Here:

The Chrisrhodes (aka the Fenimore):

Fill a pint glass with ice.
Pour bourbon whiskey (the house recommends Jim Beam) over the ice.
'Fill to the ice' (TM).

Also, never drink gimlets with rich dudes in shady bars in LA; invariably, you will end up killing them in Mexico. But other than that particular instance gimlets will serve you about as well as anything.

Update

Also, where the fuck is the BC representation on this site. Do I have so few friends back there? Maybe I should start an insult campaign like Conan did a while back. Anyway fuck you all until you say something. Edub I am looking in your direction, you too Dpenns.

2006-12-26T19:18:00.000-08:00

Hey all you fucks, now that the peace and goodwill nonsense is all over and done with we can now move on. New Years Eve is coming up and I will be drinking the better part of a bottle of Jim Beam, they love American Whiskey down here for some reason. Needless to say I will be in no condition to talk on the phone when midnight rolls around. So that will be exactly what I do. For those of you on the westcoast it will be 4 am on the morning of the 31st and for the east it will be 7am. For mr. Duncan in Dublin I believe it will be 12 noon.

Now I am no pompous ass who assumes that you will all wait by your bedside for my call, nor do I delude myself into thinking that you will want to talk to the very drunk version of myself, he isn't very interesting.
I do, on the other hand know that malice exists in all your hearts. I also know that if each and everyone of you scrolls through your celly you will find someone who deserves a wakeup call all the way from New Zealand courtesy of drunk rob and maybe even a cameo from drunk chris.
So if anyone needs a big fuck you in this holiday season feel free to post their (or your own, if you're feeling masochistic) phone number. And I will get away with it all scot free because I will be drunk and everyone loves a drunk.

2006-12-25T01:16:00.000-08:00

Well Merrrrrrry Christmas,

I hope this wonderful holiday finds all my friends and family in wonderful health and enjoying this day with mirth and merriment. Today, I woke up, did some dishes and then had someone cook me bacon and eggs for breakfast. It was decided we should go swimming, so a mission to the beach came next. We swam through caves and had diving competitions and played fricket. We drank beer in the sun and enjoyed ourselves.
From there we went to an 'orphans' Christmas bbq and party on this hippy commune one town over. We got back home at 10 pm. So a quick trip to the beach took nearly 8 hours.
Still trying to decide whether or not to cook something.

Peace and goodwill to all, and a very merry Christmas
Kieran if your cold, cold heart feels the need to rant and rave, feel free amigo, but I suggest a glass of red wine and place by the fire with some gifts.

Update:
If my previous posts, the above included, seem mono-theologic, it is because I am a self-centered, inconsiderate, culturally insentive (possibly culturally retarded) and a prick.

To all my wonderful non-Christian friends out there, Ben I dragged your good name through the mud a few days ago and I apologize, have a wonderful time next time your celebrating when I'm not. Be sure and get all in my face about how wonderful it is to be celebrating whatever you got going becasue I deserve it.

2006-12-22T13:12:00.000-08:00

Dept of Boring Politics

There has been some talk among among the chattering classes that I made (what they call a typical) bangwagon jump in the final stages of the Liberal leadership, and I nearly let it all go. Lets just fill in some viewers on what is exactly bandwagon jumping.
I deserted the favourite, Ignatieff, in the waning moments of a campaign to root for not the second or even third most delegate holder, but the fourth, Dion. (I think; super delegates put him into third after the first ballot, but I could be wrong.)
That shit ain't bandwagon jumping, that's soothsaying motherfuckers.

Dept of Miscellany

Mr. Duncan, glad to hear from you, I was wondering if Europe was gonna be represented. But now that I think about it, you're probably watching a season's worth of tivo on your couch in Vancouver. I will need an address if you want a late christmas card. And you may get a stock one, because it's too damn hard to make new ones every time, but it'll still be worth it.

To Kieran and BKY2K, we all know who wins the Toronto vs. Vancouver argument: Montreal.

2006-12-22T02:33:00.000-08:00

From the Archives:

"I hope tonigth I don't have the pathilogical urge to step on that bloody American's neck to shut him up. This place should be tranquil; it is very nice, but fucking anxiety and snoring old dudes is enough to awaken some truly evil thoughts.

Not that he would be missed he seems to have some legal trouble back home"

-Dec. 14th, Christchurch

"I just flicked a piece of snot and it may or may not have landed on Edwin the Flemish dude's bed."

-Dec. 12th, Christchurch

"It has been my experience with people that those who claim to be a certain way (almost always in the positive sense) are invariably prone to acting in a diametrically opposed fashion. I myself like to think that I am a good listener. I think that because often I am not particularly talkative; by default I must be good at listening. The truth is I simply don't talk or listen; I tune people out and let my own thoughts meander."

-Dec. 10th Kaiteriteri

2006-12-18T17:28:00.000-08:00

hello everybody...broacasting live from, somewhere...i felt that it was important to let you know that I have joined a gang...well actually im a founding member...Robs on his way in, whether he knows it or not...we are known as the Swamp City Daggers, and I guess that I don't actually need to be telling you this as I'm sure that you will all hear of our activity within the couple days on the news and in the papers...our MO; we wear jean jackets without sleeves and we take shit from no one...the initiation; 3 successive shotguns of 44o ml Tasman Bitter...a manifesto is being drafted as I type...we will have chapters all over the globe by the time I'm so I look forward to welcoming you all into the Daggers...'till then keep you eyes open for footage of the inagrual intitiation...
lobo out!

2006-12-18T16:51:00.000-08:00

this is the swamphouse on a typical wednesday. That there is an air-battle-of-the-bands.

There is an excellent shot. It's derivative, but still. Thats Ryan Adams, i know wierd those two names seem to find each other a lot. If you are wondering why I have such a gay nightclub shirt on, it's because I lacked the dexterity to actually wholly remove the shirt.

Those were taken a few weeks ago. Last night we partied in our underwear till 3. christmas cards are proceeding at a rapid pace.

2006-12-15T15:45:00.000-08:00

Dear friends, I logged on to msn today and chatted with some home country people. I was nearly immediately disrespected in the worst kind of way and compared to Ben Kaye.

Is there no end to the assault I take?

Dave, Kieran and Liz are getting some pretty outstanding Christmas cards, the rest of you fuckers that I call friends are getting na-sing. Not fair you ask? you are the fucking nihilists, bunch of fucking crybabies.

Anyway I have made it easier for you anti-establishment types, there is no need to sign up to post now, so have at'er if that was holding you back.

As well, there is some pretty funny footage floating around out there of one Chris Rhodes and his gang. That will posted soon, so don't change the bat-channel. Its so good that I will brave the computer world and figure out how to do it. Once more unto the breach.

Merry Christmas, Happy Judaism, Way to go Muslims, I'm going to drink on the beach.

2006-12-08T17:17:00.000-08:00

Alright.

Lets play a new game.

Everybody who posts a comment on this site gets a Christmas postcard.

Liz and Dave are automatically entered because not only are they posting regularly (somewhat) but they are also fucking rad for doing so. They rest of you free riders can kiss the free lunch goodbye. Except Kieran, because he emailed me.

Also If anyone knows Shania Twain ask her if she needs a house sitter for her summer place down here.

Life of the unemployed is as bad as a remember it, but not as bad as life of the poorly employed. Have you seen my bag of money? I left it somewhere.

Also I have been thinking, Montreal reunion tour '07, will be held (drumrolllllll)

in London. That is if Whalen is still there, I figure since you weren't at the last one, we'd bring the party to you. I'm thinking August like last year.

2006-12-05T15:03:00.000-08:00

If you are anywhere around Malcolm Biddle or Dave Macnee ask them, in honour of me, to play that classic country tune by Johnny Paycheck, Take this Job and Shove It.

Yep, thats right ladies and gentlemen, I gave my two weeks notice. I got highfives all around from my flatmates at the swamphouse, ahh the swamphouse, thats a story for another time boys and girls, perhaps when we get broadband.

anyway, Im feeling pretty good, I might get a gig with greenpeace. But I am off to get a kebab, which is a southern hemisphere version of a shish T.

If you are into violence read Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy.

2006-11-30T15:38:00.000-08:00

I have been informed that my last post was cryptic to the point of nonsense. I will elaborate, I work at the Shoreline restaurant in Kaiteriteri, just northwest of Motueka at the northern part of the South Island. It's on this amazing beach and should be rad to work at. Unfortunately they only pay 11 bucks an hour and no one in this country tips. I am considered 'frontline staff' which means I do everything from waiting to bussing to bartending. But, the way they run this restaurant makes no sense, there is no organization, no order. Organized chaos is a compliment, it more resembles chaos.
And then, everyone at the place breathes down your neck, and comments on everything you do, fucking grating as hell. The staff, who are all like 20 or younger don't seem to realize that the job sucks and eat it up like WalMart employees, I don't get it. Anyway, one can barely live on making 90 bucks a day, especially when all it does is bum you out. It also may be turning me into an alcoholic as the only way I can cope with these people is by drinking before, during and after work.
And two nights ago, I soaked myself in gin and told the story about that crazy guy from victoria piercing his own nipple only to wake up with a kilt pin through the fleshy part of my left nipple. Kilt pins for the non-Scots are about as sharp as a soup spoon.
I did apply for a job with Greenpeace in Christchurch down south, but they haven't gotten back to me, fucking hippies.

I have been venting about this for a few days to my flat mates and so for their benefit at least, I think I will quit. luckily I have been investing in the Redneck RSP and hopefully it will pay out soon.

On to more interesting things, I thought that no one was really checking this blog out, but apparently my French second cousin in London (who, a few weeks ago randomly ran into and recognized Andrew Duncan in some bar in London) has been checking it out, and I got an email from Kieran bitching out my Kerouac comparison, I guess all I had to do was get grandiose before my friends would try to shoot me down. And Davem and lizzy those two people who seem to be able to find the time to post. It's probably because they both have high paying jobs; there is some corollary there.

2006-11-29T20:23:00.000-08:00

I hate my job. The money is shit. Usually it takes a month or two before I really dislike whatever work I am doing, but in this case it started about 4 days in. I really feel like I should quit, no point doing some bullshit when I am supposed to be having fun, unfortunately I need the cash, we will see how long I last. I am on break right now and will write about it further tomorrow on my day off.

2006-11-27T17:06:00.000-08:00

Quote for the day:

"I am opposed to recognizing any province as a nation. I am opposed to recognizing the population of any province as a nation. I am opposed to recognizing some part of the population of any province as a nation. And I am hostile to any resolution that recognizes a part of the population of a province as a nation, in a way that slyly suggests they represent the whole, but does not have the guts to admit it."

Andrew Coyne, from his blog

2006-11-26T15:50:00.000-08:00

I am sure in every person's travels there is a self-important urge to compare oneself to Jack Kerouac. Recent news from the homeland has thrust that comparison on myself.

I was listening to the CBC before I left and it was a program about Quebec, and the show was about a 24 hour reading they were going to be doing in Quebec City. They chose Kerouac, reading, I suppose, On the Road and The Dharma Bums and his poetry. The reasoning behind this selection enlightened me to something that I didn't know, Kerouac himself was French Canadian. Though born in the States his parents were French Canadian, himself fluent in French, and the organizers of this reading said his writing reflected his upbringing. I found that fascinating, but I found it more interesting when they talked of Kerouac returning to la belle province and not recognizing it as he had remembered. The reasons were entirely political, the Quiet Revolution had taken over and French Canadians like himself no longer existed. They were supplanted by the politically charged, self-centered (in the least derogatory sense) Quebecois, and the semantic difference is profound. I cannot say that the recent constitutional smatterings and the idea of the Quebec nation-within-a-nation is akin to the turbulent Quiet Revolution of the 50s and 60s. Nor can say that as a westerner I have lost connection to some birthright as Kerouac did; I do, however, all the way across the Pacific ocean feel like my country is doing some really dumb things. I can't really explain why, just read Andrew Coyne, Warren Kinsella, or listen to Stephane Dion and you will likely realize it too.

Also: Ignatieff is no longer the man, Dion or bust.

2006-11-13T15:43:00.000-08:00

Well I think it is about time to show some photos of this place the maps call New Zealand:

Here is Chris relieving himself in Auckland. Well done friend, well done.

Here is the astrolabe in the middle of a downtown 'carpark' early in the morning. Drinking and driving is almost as bad as drinking and parking.

Here is the elusive hassel, also know el tiburon here, I forgot to mention we played some street dropball death match in Hamilton; it involved a cage and was reckless.

Chrees lets his moustache do zee talking.

At the wee tip of the North Island is 90 ile beach, you rip up and down the beach in your car, we thought the astrolabe needed a break and an oil change so she stayed on the pavement.

This is what we were drinking for a few days, then we switched to Ranfurly for economic reasons.

This is what happens when I use the timer on my camera. That's me on the right with Luc and Tara, two kayak colleagues of chris'. this was taken right before we hicked a track in the Nelson Lakes National Park.

Sorry they are so small, but it is taking awhile, I will try to find a faster way and get some bigger ones up.

2006-11-06T18:31:00.000-08:00

After sucking back 4 or 5 pints at the bar simultaneously watching the barca-chelsea match and the gambling addicts playing the ponies we kicked it out of auckland settling for cold beers from our half working dashboard oven/fridge.
We arrived in Whangerei and parked in some parking lot down by the river next to the bridge to nowhere. I woke up hungover and jetlagged and dirty and found that we were in the central parking lot downtown surrounded by monday morning commuters eyeing us suspiciously. We then drove up to the bay of islands, doubtless bay and up to ninety mile beach, all very nice.
On the ay down we stopped in hamilton to see the elusive dan hassel, or the shark as he is known in these parts. With our oven/fridge looking like it might be just oven we opted to buy cold beer, Ranfurly, pronounced RAAN-furly like you are singing moon river. We also dipped into the gibsons finest ssaved up from the duty free at YVR. The good americans at the University of Waikato graciously cooked us thanksgiving beef strogonof and drank us under the table. go gophers ya.
Some german dude passed around vodka that tasted like toothpaste, i stuck to ranfurlies and whisky and ended up passing out before the others turned the discussion to anal sex. i have to learn to pace myself.
moving ever southward we stopped at some beach on the surf highway and cooked pasta with shitty sauce, tasted like ketchup. It was all good though because the volcano in the distance was giving off good vibes, or maybe it was the hotknifing off our inherited butane stove, known as the the stove. fucking kiwis are so creative.
the next day we arrived in wellington and after taking it in the bum on the ferry price went to the top of the city and pondered the fact that pcp is legal down here. we made up our mind to drink a box of wine the next day and ramble around wellington in search of the p. We ended up drinking two boxes of wine that artfully states that it has been clarifie dusing dairy and fish products, what the fuck, right? Our ferry left at 1.55 am that nigth and boarding it was one of the most excrutiating experiences of my life. drunk to the gills on cheap wine, and abandoned by my delinquint friend who drank himself to sleep ion the back of the car i was forced to negotiatie what the fuck some dude was asking for, paper? what fucking paper? i can barely fucking see. how the fuck am i suppposed to know what the fuck you want? finally the guy did us all a favour and grabbed the paper of my dash. Driving off the ferry a few hours later with my contacts falling off my eyes i somehow negotiated the fucked up directions and found some golf course parking lot to hole up in for the night, i was so plastered i slept in all my clothes.

The next morning was terrible, i had gone the wrong way, and we were in the middle of fucking nowhere. as well it seemed that no one would let us shower even thought we were willing to pay. finally we pulled into the most illused rv camp in the middle of rural new zealand. no one answered the office buzzer and no one was around. the bathrooms were unlocked so we showered and left, it was the first time either of us had stolen a shower before. I also dropped the hugest shit in their toilet, which i felt bad about.
then now. id post photos so dave shamash wouldnt have to read all this but i left my camera in the van, which is still nameless.

2006-11-01T14:04:00.000-08:00

Welllll I made it safe and sound, it turns out that only do the planes they fly you down in feel like a rented bowling shoe, but upon landing they spray down your shit with a spray smells a lot like the bowling shoe disinfectant. go figure.
blogging it up at the gen store in Opua in the Bay of islands, the van is a monster, mate black finish with racing stripes, mr rhodes certainly came out swinging with this purchase.

ill post a photo, when i figure out how.

2006-10-22T17:19:00.000-07:00

Here is Dave again, he hasn't claimed his prize and he really deserves it. So here is an embarassing image that will only be removed, or better yet I won't find a more embarassing photo to put up later, if he claims his prize. It's a real prize I swear.

Also Dave, if you are going to cross-dress, at least...at least... get rid of the 5 o'clock shadow, the chest hair is fine, but the shadow ohh the shadow... it has got to go.

2006-10-21T10:33:00.000-07:00

Drank with my man Je-Zeus (hedge bet) last night in my basement. Fargo was on the tube, I love the Coen brthers and everything they do, I even saw Blood Simple in rerelease. But for some reason they never show The Big Lebowski on tv, bit of a bummer since I haven't seen that one in awhile, sometimes I have to get my fix by reading quotes from the movie online. But, like methadone to a junkie, it just ain' t the same.
Ya Margie? oh ya..
Those are my people, actually. My family came north to Saskatchewan from Minnesota.

2006-10-20T19:10:00.000-07:00

I promised myself a while back that I would give this blog the world exclusive of my LSAT results. They were supposed to be emailed on Monday but apparently they are ahead of schedule and I got an email today, I checked the website and it is legit sooooo......................

(drumroll).........................................

173.

I wanted 175 and if I had gotten two more right, I got seven wrong, I would've. The good news this is probably good enough to get into some schools so I might be okay.

2006-10-19T15:50:00.000-07:00

I don't know how many of you (up to about three, I think) have read the John Wyndham novel The Chrysalids, but it centres around some psychic children living in a post-apocalypse world were they try to get to 'Sealand' to be free. Well, watching some late night television last night I realized the world is going to shit, it was actually a very depressing five minutes. I have been reading 1984 for the first time, somehow I got through highschool without it, and man are we ever close. I realized that that wasn't what bothering me, it is that people generally don't give a shit. I guess this applies especially to Americans; where is the fucking outrage? The President is dismissing Habeas Corpus, a concept so ancient its fucking name is in latin, where is the outrage?

Anyway I am happy I am running of to Sealand, all you fuckers can email me when the apocalypse (or tupacalypse) hits.

Also: last night when I turned off my light to go to sleep, I put my head on my pillow and stretched myself out to be comfortable and then forgot how to fall asleep. It was very strange. Does this every happen to anyone else?

2006-10-18T10:11:00.000-07:00

Alrighty, at the risk of being waay to excited here is an email from the advance guard:

"aight fag, i think i got us a van...and a rad one too! its an 85 toyota diesel 5 speed. its got a bed in the back (airmatress) and all the camping gear we need (still bring you tent) and a gazebo! oh yeah and a fucking awsome stereo system with a sub woofer. yah and it also has a 12 volt inverter so we could use a lap top to watch movies and other shit like that! rad...vans here were more than i thought they would be and this is by far the best deal i have found so far. its 2800 so like 2400 canadian but yeah man shittier vans are selling for like 4500 right now...everybody is buying vans so its a sellers market. when i found the flyer i went around to all the hostels and took them down so we could get it. life a gamble though man, so im having faith in the pull of The Great Magnet. I took for a test drive and told the guy i wanted it, so hes meeting me tomorrow and we are sorting it out. sweet! im stoked!
so yah man when i know more ill let you know!
fuck im relieved, things we looking dire for a while there.
cheers
lobo"

About the photo, I've mentioned to a few folks my intention of living like a gypsy and, while not a Toyota, that caravan is approriate gypsy fare.

2006-10-17T16:35:00.000-07:00

Urban Dictionary Definition of the Day:

Drinking with Jesus

The act of drinking in solitude without the connotation of being an alcoholic.

-I can't believe you pregamed alone last night, you're such a loser.
-Bro, I was drinking with Jesus.

Sidenote: I often engage in this activity.

2006-10-17T15:39:00.000-07:00

This is Dave. Dave is a friend of mine. Dave is an up-and-comer at a succesful marketing firm and makes a lot of money; he has his own apartment downtown and is generally quite succesful at convincing women they should sleep with him (his trick on that last point is that he plays the girl's or girls' [you grammar buffs know what I'm talking about] favourite song on the piano - fucking musicians).

But there is something more important; more impressive than being the already great person he is. Apparently, and this is second hand news and not confirmed, Dave is the first and likely only reader of this blog. Hurray. Dave wins a prize. If Dave can phone me or email me in the next 10 days, he will have a prize mailed to his doorstep, after 10 days I leave the country and won't be mailing anything.

My phone number is 604-619-5868
my email is robert_anton@hotmail.com

Dave, I speak from everyone here at Once more unto the Breach when I say congratulations and we look forward to hearing from you.

2006-10-13T08:36:00.000-07:00

I read the other day that Christopher Hitchens, a devout atheist, once ripped Mother Teresa. So if you think Jon Stewart challenges authority and is 'cutting edge', shake that fact through your head. So here we go in the spirit of Hitchens.

Actually not at all in the spirit of Hitchens, this is guy is undeniably a genius, and a fucking secular saint, as I like to call them. That is someone who does good shit for the sake of good and not for more acreage in heavan.

His name is Muhammed Yunus and he innovated microloans and has helped millions pull themselves out of poverty. A hand up, not a hand out, as the classical liberals among us say. He has just won the Nobel Peace Prize and his deeds are certainly worthy of such high accolade and he probably deserves it and others.

But here is the thing, Alfred Nobel didn't conveice of a 'good deed' prize, he wanted a peace prize. I've heard that the Nobel committee had this debate a few years back and decided to expand the scope of the prize, but as a student of itnernational affairs and someone who is cognizant of the international situation (desparate, as usual; to quote Tom Robbins) I think peace is a pursuit worthy of being singled out in this day and age.

Gone seem to be the days of LB Pearson, our only Nobel peace prize winner, yet according to CBC viewers not our best. He is the Canadian who diffused the Suez Crisis and a potential global war, and more importantly shaped conflict resolution for 50 years, and possibly more. He fucking invited peacekeepers.

I just feel that peace is an achievement worth recognizing.

2006-10-12T14:11:00.000-07:00

Weeeelllllll one thing was confirmed and one thing was disconfirmed this morning as I went for my mid morning coffee. On my way back I decided to pick up a paper, the grocery store was out of Posts but had plenty of Globes, I picked up a Globe looked it over and then put it down, crossed the street and bought a Post at the pharmacy.
As soon as I opened it though, I realized yesterday's pronouncement of Ignatieff's Israel war crimes comment as being a 1 or 1.25 on the scandal scale was likely quite low. Both the Globe and the Post had front page (below the fold) stories on the comment, and the Post devoted their primary editorial to the subject. This editorial, like most Post offerings save for their attacks on the CRTC, was nonsense.
They began with a anecdote involving Jacques Chirac being politically utilitarian, and then stated that they 'suspect similarly crass considerations explain why Michael Ignatieff...Has accused Israel of war crimes.'
They then state how there are 400,000 Jews in Canada and 600,000 Muslims, so going for that extra 200,ooo is really important. Well, that does sound crass; but wouldn't one who is feeling 'crass' prefer to turn to a more established and therefore wealthy and connected minority, the Jewish, rather than (I don't have the stats so bear with me) more recent immigrants like Muslims, many of whom came as refugees? This likely struck the Post's editorial board as pretty weak too so they then attempted to justify the remarks as pandering to the anti-American, anti-Zionist Left. Maybe so, maybe he was after this sliver of the population. But wouldn't a 'crass' candidate who supported the Iraq invasion, deal with that fucking albatross around his neck rather the parakeet flying a few feet away? If Ignatieff's statements were a pander, they really fall short.
The Post then justifies their conclusions on the basis that the incident in question wasn't a war crime, because it took place under the fog of war, they may be right, they may be wrong. But they logic is as follows: it isn't a war crime because it wasn't. In any case, I am going to trust the judgment of the man who happens to know more about international conflict law than anyone else in the world. The Post then toss out the red herring of the Lebanese authorities overestimating the casualties. That's called moral relativism and one would think that an editorial next to a op-ed by a fucking Catholic Priest wouldn't roll like that.

Anyway they're dumb, they made the facts fit the argument

2006-10-11T18:04:00.000-07:00

Urban Dictionary definition of the day:

Sasquatch Salute

When someone is sleeping in front of a fan, you throw shit through the fan.

2006-10-11T17:19:00.000-07:00

Ignatieff's Toronto campaign co-chair has resigned over comments he made regarding the recent Israeli-Lebanon (Hezbollah) war.
On a scale of one to ten, ten being Watergate, this story ranks as maybe a 1-1.25, small anyway, but it does touch on a few things I'd like to share.
One, Ignatieff is a call-them-as-I-see-them type. He taught and is a world renowned scholar in the area of war crimes, rules of war and human rights. If he says that it was a war crime, it probably was. This is a reason why I support him.
But here is what I think. I think not all war crimes are created equal; so-called 'collateral damage' likely constitutes some violation of international law, but it is not the same as genocide or even deliberate targeting of civilians. So while what the Israeli Airforce did was likely wrong, and Ignatieff is as good a judge of that fact that exists on the planet, it was not on par with the actions of the myriad of evil regimes to whom they are often compared. Indeed it is not nearly as bad as firing rockets into exclusively-civilian areas
As well, I am of the mind that bad things done by good people are not as bad as bad things done by bad people. A terrible sentence, and a difficult point to back up, but I will try. A friend in business school once told me of a concept called idiosyncratic credits. For example if someone who goes out partying (this is the example he used; it was very apt at the time) every weekend says that they cannot go out on a particular night, you can be sure that they have a good reason. Their past behavior has earned them idiosyncratic credit.
I believe a similar concept applies to international affairs, though it is difficult to splice idiosyncratic credit right onto the Israeli situation. Israel's past commitment to human rights (as verified by a number of Israeli Supreme Court cases) and their commitment to democracy means that when some action is taken on their part that is deemed to be a war crime, one cannot take it isolation to condemn the whole of Israel. (I also believe that this applies to the US.)
This may seem parsimonious so I will try to flesh it out a little in my brain, but I've started drinking again and the wheels are a little slow.

2006-10-10T20:53:00.000-07:00

Jonas Redux

I realized later that I should have addressed the whole statist aspect of his article, and I guess thats true, but it was hard to address his point when his premise was so wholly flawed and wrong.
Here's the thing: when the right start trotting out the idea of liberty and individualism, they seem to only apply it to themselves. For example, wanting to control our effect on the environment is not an intrusion by government into our lives, it is an attempt to correct a market failure, that is Econ 101. The london commons go to shit, sell them and they'll stay healthy, well ownership of the atmosphere is impossible, much like ownership of the highway system, therefore a coreective agent with coercive power to enforce policy is necessary, hence government, read fucking Adam Smith.
It isn't statist to to want this, it certainly isn't statist to want gay marriage either, in fact, it is fucking statist to want to ban gay marriage. Why? Because only religious people want it outlawed, that imposition of values, dear George, is statism.

2006-10-10T18:54:00.000-07:00

Dept. of Non Sequitor

Kim Jong-il is insane and should be dealt with harshly. This is not the same as Iraq, that fuckup does not mean one should behave differently in this case.

Glen(n) Healy is the worst part of a pretty mediocre TSN broadcast, check that: maybe Tie Domi. But Healy cannot seem to grasp how limited his scope is, the leafs, and how poorly his anecdotes about being a backup goalie apply. He always gets really hot under the collar whenever someone points out how retarded what he is saying is.

Waiting for an LSAT score is more anxiety-ridden than preparing to write it.

If anyone has seen the trailer for that new Robin Williams movie about running for President, he has a line about politicians. 'They need to be changed as often as diapers and for the same reason.' Well I haven't done any research on the subject nor can I speak with any authority, but I was emailed that particular quote by a friend of mine several months ago and he attributed it to Pete McCloskey, 'the first Republican to turn on Nixon.'

go figure.

2006-10-10T15:33:00.000-07:00

As a one time Globe and Mail reader, I find an odd personal shift that I now find myself reaching for the Post first, and often eschew the Globe entirely. I say this is odd because I tend to agree with the Globe editorial board more often than not and when not, I am often persuaded. I think the problem lies with their comment writers. I find Christie Blatchford folksy take on the issues of Toronto reactionary and non-informative, I find Margaret Wente ridiculous and her insistence on stretching minor issues into larger truths wrong. I find Ken Wiwa's column, now defunct I think, on international issues impossibly dull to the point that I cannot recall a single thing he has said or written about; moreover he is, as impossible as it may seem given his realm of discussion, detached and uninterested as if he is letting the world in on his thoughts but only because they asked politely. All in all after you are done reading the editorial page one is left saying to oneself, "I guess..."

So, how is it possible that the likes of David Frum could be superior, David Frum is after all an idiot, and a partisan one at that. But somehow, it seems that the National Post both in it's editorials and columns have something to say. Be it more often that not wrong.

It is in this vein that I found myself reading to Post on my boat this past weekend. I found myself absolutely raving about Andrew Coyne's piece on the Jan Wong affair, so refreshing and insightful that I simply had to shove the newsprint under the nose of all around me and force them to read it. He is the best op-ed writer in the country.

Then I came to George Jonas. What utter bullshit, to make matters worse the Post then today prints several letters drooling over the piece calling it 'required reading.'

(As an aside, that endorsement seems to be en vogue right now, the cover of my sisters otherwise quite good economics book The Undercover Economist has the same blurb from the freakonomics guy. It always leads me to think one of two things. A) who the fuck are you and why are you requiring me to read anything, and b) most classroom requirements are so unreadable that it seems ridiculous to aspire to such a place.)

Jonas central point is that Federal Liberals aren't Liberal in the neo-classical sense of the word and are therefore disingenuous and bad. The simplest of my points against him is that he simply has the wrong party. One will find many more self-identifying as small-c conservatives than small-l liberals, one need only read more Andrew Sullivan to find out why. (I won't even get into where the Canadian Alliance would fall in this debate.)

The larger point is more basic, when people preamble their point with a small-c or small-l caveat, it is to explain that their thesis or point is not coming from a partisan viewpoint but rather from an ideological perspective, this is simply for clarity or, more likely, distinction.
The problem is that everyone already knows this. Anyone with rudimentary scholarship in politics, political science, political economy, economy, philosophy or history is not only able to make the distinction between Liberal and liberal, but they don't make the mistake in the first place. Anyone else, as much as old George might not like it, really doesn't give a shit. One never hears someone complaining that they will not vote Liberal because their caucus does not represent the ideals of Locke and Burke. People who can make the distinction understand it and aren't fooled; people who can't, don't give a shit.

Lastly, as a card carrying Liberal (more by default than anything) I take exception to Jonas' contention that the last two Liberal governments have lead us astray:

"Jean Chretien and his successor, Paul Martin, even as they were escorted off the bridge, still had their eyes riveted to a radar scope frozen in the 1960s and '70s, which isn't the best way to steer the ship of state across the treacherous waters of
the 21st century."

I am no fan of Chretien and feel odd defending him. But this is essentially a straw man argument, he states an untruth and then passionately and persuasively argues against it. That the Liberals somehow have lead astray into the 21st century because of poor economic policy is ludicrous, it simply doesn't stand up to the first shred of scrutiny. Which member of the G8 or for that matter the world is in better fiscal shape than Canada? None,that's who. Which small-l liberal policy has some other country adopted to surpass Canada's recent economic achievement? None, the 'tax-cut and spend' approach down south has allowed the Chinese to own a scary amount of US dollars. As treacherous as these current waters are the big-L Liberal policies have left on us a pretty even keel.

One would think that someone as old as Jonas might have a little more insight than this sophomoric complaint.

2006-10-06T00:11:00.000-07:00

The wrongs in my past do not prevent the rights in my future

-Delmore Cleveland

2006-10-05T12:32:00.000-07:00

Wellllllll folks, it's that time of year again: Canucks season opener tonight. I feel like an Albertan trailertrash housewife whose abusive husband is coming home from the rigs. Excited, but also seriously fearful of when the beatings start again. And as the trailertrash wife's cousin from Toronto says, it's my own damn fault because I keep going back.

Since that metaphor has been stretched about 3 feet too far I will move on to some predictions, write this down and put them in a time capsule, you'll see in a few months how true they are.
-Overall Canucks go 35-40-7, miss the playoffs;
-Luongo will demand a trade by seasons end;
-Sedins production will plateau, secondary scoring will be minimal;
-Bourdon will disapoint, be traded and flourish elsewhere;
-Canucks will still be better than the leafs.

It all comes back to Jan Bulis, I mean Jan FUCKING Bulis. I ripped this guy for 4 years in Montreal, so the hockey gods pay me back by putting him on the Canucks.

I recall a conversation I had while working on a construction site. Between bitching about gas prices and the government, we got on to hockey. I asked my co-worker Chris if he thought the Canucks would ever win the cup.
He said: "no."
I said: "me neither."

To know them is to love them is to hate them, and that's that. See you at the AC for the season opener.

2006-10-05T12:09:00.000-07:00

Well Shiiiit. In Vancouver ticking days off the calender until New Zealand, any advice?